From Brokenness to Peace My Story of God’s Provision, Grace, and Unshakable Presence

                             

  

 God Was There All Along

Lately, I’ve felt God pressing on my heart to share more of my story. Maybe it’s because this past year with cancer has stirred up so many emotions, or because I just moved Madison, my oldest, to Baylor — and as a single mom, that milestone feels huge. We prayed for that decision, and I know God is leading her exactly where she needs to be. But in the middle of all these changes, my heart has been reflecting on where God has brought me from and how faithful He’s been every step of the way. Joining a new church has also been a big part of this — being surrounded by faithful people who have prayed with me and encouraged me has reminded me that our stories aren’t meant to be kept quiet. God has opened doors for me, and I believe He wants me to share this journey not for sympathy, but to point others to His goodness.

So I want to go back for a moment — to where God’s faithfulness in my story really began to unfold.

---

When I Felt at the End of My Rope

Around eight years ago, I thought I was standing at the end of my rope. The weight of a toxic relationship, the fear of raising two daughters on my own, and the reality of a financial hole I didn’t know how to climb out of — it all felt like too much. I didn’t feel strong. I didn’t feel brave. Most nights, I felt like a failure.

But here is what I know now: God met me right there, in that broken place.

He didn’t wait for me to have it all together. He didn’t wait until I had the answers or the strength. He stepped into the middle of my fear, my mess, and my uncertainty, and He carried me through one day at a time.

Looking back now, I can see His fingerprints everywhere:

• Provision: Somehow, the bills got paid. Doors opened, opportunities came, and needs were met in ways that still amaze me.
  
  

• Support: My parents became a lifeline, stepping in with steady love and practical help.
  
  

• Strength: On the nights I thought I couldn’t go one more step, I felt a quiet strength rise in me. Not my own — His.
  
  

• Peace: There were moments when fear should have swallowed me whole, and yet somehow I felt calm. That peace didn’t come from me. It came from Him.
  
  

At the time, I couldn’t see it. All I saw was the struggle. But now, I can look back and know without a doubt: God was there all along.

---

Learning Where My Identity Truly Belongs

After my separation, I wrestled with something new — identity. I thought I needed to be in a relationship to be whole, or to give my daughters what I couldn’t on my own. Loneliness whispered lies, and I prayed for God to bring me someone.

I stepped back into dating only twice, but both experiences taught me valuable lessons. The first was more of a friendship I hoped could become more, but it wasn’t. That taught me something about unmet expectations and how easy it is to place hope in the wrong place.

The second was different — a relationship I should have never gone back to. That reopened old wounds and left me doubting myself in ways I hadn’t before. It reminded me that not everyone has the ability — or the desire — to change, no matter how much you want to believe they can.

It taught me hard lessons about discernment and reminded me that sometimes people will show you exactly who they are — and you have to believe them the first time.

As painful as it was, it became a turning point. It showed me that my hope can’t be in someone else changing, but in trusting God to guide me and give me the wisdom to walk away when I need to.

Those two experiences, though very different, shaped me. They reminded me that I am capable of standing on my own. They reminded me that God had already given me everything I needed.

I’ll never forget the night I dropped to my knees, crying out:
“God, please take away this emptiness. Take away this feeling that I’m missing something without a relationship.”

And He did.

I can’t explain it except to say that something shifted. The loneliness lifted. Peace flooded in. For the first time, I knew my worth wasn’t tied to being with someone. My identity is in Christ alone.

Today, I can say with confidence: God has given me everything I need — my two beautiful girls, my family, my work, and most importantly, His presence at the center of it all. That is more than enough.

---

Seeing God’s Hand in the Cancer Journey

I didn’t know it then, but God was using those years to prepare me for an even greater battle ahead — the battle with cancer.

When my grandfather passed away a year ago, I never could have imagined how that moment would tie into the beginning of my own diagnosis. Not long after his funeral, I started feeling sick. At first, I thought I had caught something with all the people, but something about it felt different. I went back and forth to doctors, stubbornly resisting at times because I’ve worked in health care and I’ve never been one to run to the doctor. But this time, I kept pressing for answers.

And looking back, I can see God’s hand in all of it.

He put the right people in my path — doctors at urgent care, telehealth providers, the primary doctor who took my concerns seriously, the oncologist who still cares for me today. Anyone who has walked through the healthcare system knows how hard it can be to find the right team, but God lined it up perfectly. He made sure I was guided to the right tests, the right scans, the right treatments.

And it wasn’t just the doctors. The outpouring of love around me was overwhelming. People I never expected — complete strangers, distant acquaintances, friends from long ago — stepped up with donations, meals, gifts, and prayers. Every act of kindness reminded me: this wasn’t just about medicine. This was about God showing me that I was never walking this road alone.

You never think you’ll hear the word cancer. And when you’re a single parent, the only parent your girls have, the sole provider for your family, that word feels even heavier. But here’s what still amazes me: from the very beginning, I had peace. I was never afraid of dying. I wasn’t consumed with fear of what might happen. God gave me a peace that truly passed understanding.

That doesn’t mean I didn’t get discouraged. I did. There were days I asked God “why?” Days I cried out, wondering what purpose this could possibly have. But even in those moments, He always brought the peace back around.

There was only one time I remember truly feeling scared. After my very first chemo treatment, I became so sick I had to be hospitalized. Doctors worried that the cancer was breaking down too quickly and attacking my organs. I hadn’t told anyone at the time because I didn’t want to add to anyone’s fear, but as I sat in a wheelchair in the waiting room, I felt fear creep in.

And then, right there, I prayed: “God, please. Please be with me.”

And He was. The same peace I had felt from the beginning washed over me again.

Now, I’ve finished radiation, and I have a PET scan next month. I pray the cancer is gone, and I believe it can be. But even if it’s not, I know God has a reason. I don’t have all the answers. The journey isn’t over. But what I know is this: He has carried me this far, and He will carry me wherever this road leads.

---

Grace Greater Than My Mistakes

The truth is, I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life. Some of the hardest parts of my journey came from poor decisions I made, and I own that.

I’ve hurt people. I’ve done things I’m not proud of. And for a long time, I used to sit in the weight of that guilt, thinking maybe I was being punished for my past. That’s a terrible thing to believe — and it’s not the truth.

God loves us, and He sent His Son to die for us. His grace is new every morning. No one is too far gone for God.

Scripture is full of reminders of this:

• David committed adultery and even arranged a man’s death, yet God still called him a man after His own heart.
  
  

• Moses murdered a man, ran away, and hid for 40 years, but God still chose him to lead His people out of Egypt.
  
  

• Paul persecuted Christians and tried to destroy the church, but God transformed him into one of the greatest apostles of all time.
  
  

If God could use them, He can use me. And He can use you, too.

I no longer live under the shadow of shame. Instead, I try every day to walk in kindness, to share God’s love, and to live out my faith in a way that points others to Him. I don’t always get it right, but I know now that my mistakes don’t define me. God’s grace does.

And if you’ve been living with shame, please don’t stay there. It’s normal to feel it — I’ve lived it — but you don’t have to carry it. God’s forgiveness is bigger than your past.

---

Truths to Hold Onto

If you’re walking through a valley right now, here are three truths from my journey that I pray encourage you:

1. God meets you where you are.
   He doesn’t wait until you’re strong, ready, or have it all figured out. He steps into the middle of the mess and carries you one day at a time.
   
   

2. Peace is possible, even in the storm.
   You may not understand it. You may still cry, still question, still struggle. But God’s peace can cover you in the scariest moments and calm your heart in ways nothing else can.
   
   

3. Your story has a purpose.
   Nothing you go through is wasted. God can use your heartbreak, your battles, and even your sickness to shine His light through you and encourage someone else.
   
   

---

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18
“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:7

---

Reflection & Prayer

Take a few minutes to sit with these questions and scriptures. Write them down, pray over them, or simply let them rest in your heart:

1. Where has God already met me?
   Think back to a hard season in your life. Can you look back now and see His fingerprints — provision, peace, or people He placed in your path?
   
   
   “Surely the Lord is in this place, and I did not know it.” – Genesis 28:16
   
   
   

2. What lies am I believing about myself?
   Is there shame, loneliness, or the feeling of “not enough” that you’re carrying? Lay those at the feet of Jesus. Ask Him to replace them with His truth about who you are.
   
   
   “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” – Romans 8:1
   
   
   

3. How can my story help someone else?
   Think about the way your experiences — even the painful ones — could encourage another person. Who might need to hear your testimony of God’s faithfulness?
   
   
   “Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story.” – Psalm 107:2
   
   
   

🙏 Prayer:
Lord, thank You that You meet me right where I am. Thank You that I don’t have to be perfect, strong, or put together for You to love me. Help me to trust You in the middle of the storm and to see Your fingerprints in my life, even when I can’t see the whole picture. Use my story — mistakes, battles, and all — to point others back to You. Amen.

---

✨ Closing the circle:
That’s why, in this season of new beginnings — sending my daughter to college, joining a church family, and walking forward in faith — I feel God pressing on me to share my story. Not for sympathy, but so that someone else might know: you are not alone, and God is with you too.

---