Trust me, I get it....
This is a tough one for me. If you have followed my journey the last few years, I have never been shy about my past and issues I have dealt with personally. But for me to share how deeply and profoundly I was negatively affected and things I still carry with me to this day, well that takes a little more time. Pull up a chair if you will....
In general, I think it is hard to trust someone. This is not a female/male problem, this is a human problem. Letting someone inside your your deepest thoughts, your deepest feelings and your deepest desires...well it opens you up to be disappointed and hurt. We all want validation that we are doing things right and that we matter. We all want to feel that we are accepted and cared about by others.
I have spent the last three years trying to repair all the damage that was done, and trying to simply put back the pieces of what I felt to be a broken person. I am not there yet. This is a work in progress and I am a work in progress. Everyone is different, and we all respond differently to what is going to help us grow. So when I share these things, please know, this is what worked for me, but it might be different for you. I only hope it will help you know, you are not alone if you are feeling this way.
The biggest issue that I have carried forth from my past is trust, or rather lack there of. I was constantly lied to and not just small little white lies (which are still never okay in a relationship). Everything that existed was built on a foundation of lies. I feel that sometimes, when we are dealing with those we love, we choose to overlook the signs that are right there in our face. Or we see them, but we are too scared to move. Too scared to change. Because even when you know change is needed, and even though you know it will result in something better, change is scary!
Moving forward, it becomes really hard to trust other people that come into your life. People that don't know the pain you lived through. People that don't know the scars you have. People that don't know the walls you have built to protect yourself. It is good to be cautious, but by assuming everyone is out to hurt you, or everyone is a bad guy, well that just causes you to miss out on meeting some pretty amazing people or having some really awesome relationships. I only say this, because this is me! I feel like sometimes when life is going really good, or you connect with someone (friendship or relationship), you start feeling that "this is too good to be true feeling" and you self-sabotage.
But the one thing that has drastically changed for me, is putting God in and at the center of everything! I will never again, get into any relationship without Him at the center. I have tried to live life on my own terms...and it was the stupidest decision I ever made. I saw my whole entire life come off the rails because I wasn't living with my priorities the right way. Once everything went south in 2017, I made my mind up that that was no way of living. I started reading my Bible more, praying with intent and praying more, and going to Bible Study. I started to focus on the One who loved me more than anything or anyone ever could. And my life has only gotten better with each and every day. Because now I know, when trials come my way, God's got this. There is nothing that is impossible with God.
Do I still worry? Yes. Do I still fear getting hurt? You bet. Are there still times when I feel like everything is going wrong? Yes. Why- well because I am human. But then I pray, write, talk to a friend, and that feeling eventually passes.
So if you have been in my shoes, and you have been hurt and don't feel like you can ever open up or put yourself out there again....don't give up the good fight my friend. There are better days ahead, and God has a plan for you. He will send you the people that you need to love you, believe in you, and people that would never hurt you....you just have to believe and trust in HIS plans and timing...not yours.
This is a tough one for me. If you have followed my journey the last few years, I have never been shy about my past and issues I have dealt with personally. But for me to share how deeply and profoundly I was negatively affected and things I still carry with me to this day, well that takes a little more time. Pull up a chair if you will....
In general, I think it is hard to trust someone. This is not a female/male problem, this is a human problem. Letting someone inside your your deepest thoughts, your deepest feelings and your deepest desires...well it opens you up to be disappointed and hurt. We all want validation that we are doing things right and that we matter. We all want to feel that we are accepted and cared about by others.
I have spent the last three years trying to repair all the damage that was done, and trying to simply put back the pieces of what I felt to be a broken person. I am not there yet. This is a work in progress and I am a work in progress. Everyone is different, and we all respond differently to what is going to help us grow. So when I share these things, please know, this is what worked for me, but it might be different for you. I only hope it will help you know, you are not alone if you are feeling this way.
The biggest issue that I have carried forth from my past is trust, or rather lack there of. I was constantly lied to and not just small little white lies (which are still never okay in a relationship). Everything that existed was built on a foundation of lies. I feel that sometimes, when we are dealing with those we love, we choose to overlook the signs that are right there in our face. Or we see them, but we are too scared to move. Too scared to change. Because even when you know change is needed, and even though you know it will result in something better, change is scary!
Moving forward, it becomes really hard to trust other people that come into your life. People that don't know the pain you lived through. People that don't know the scars you have. People that don't know the walls you have built to protect yourself. It is good to be cautious, but by assuming everyone is out to hurt you, or everyone is a bad guy, well that just causes you to miss out on meeting some pretty amazing people or having some really awesome relationships. I only say this, because this is me! I feel like sometimes when life is going really good, or you connect with someone (friendship or relationship), you start feeling that "this is too good to be true feeling" and you self-sabotage.
But the one thing that has drastically changed for me, is putting God in and at the center of everything! I will never again, get into any relationship without Him at the center. I have tried to live life on my own terms...and it was the stupidest decision I ever made. I saw my whole entire life come off the rails because I wasn't living with my priorities the right way. Once everything went south in 2017, I made my mind up that that was no way of living. I started reading my Bible more, praying with intent and praying more, and going to Bible Study. I started to focus on the One who loved me more than anything or anyone ever could. And my life has only gotten better with each and every day. Because now I know, when trials come my way, God's got this. There is nothing that is impossible with God.
Do I still worry? Yes. Do I still fear getting hurt? You bet. Are there still times when I feel like everything is going wrong? Yes. Why- well because I am human. But then I pray, write, talk to a friend, and that feeling eventually passes.
So if you have been in my shoes, and you have been hurt and don't feel like you can ever open up or put yourself out there again....don't give up the good fight my friend. There are better days ahead, and God has a plan for you. He will send you the people that you need to love you, believe in you, and people that would never hurt you....you just have to believe and trust in HIS plans and timing...not yours.
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