With Mother's Day quickly approaching, I have seen many commercials and ads for what special gift to get your mom this year. Sure gifts are wonderful, but I tend to focus on feelings and quality time more because that is my niche and what gets me in the feels. So that got me thinking about motherhood, and how special it truly is, and how the blessing of being a mom is the real gift.
I know there are days when as a mother, you want to go hide in the bathroom, lock the door and turn up your favorite song and will the world away- just for 60 seconds of alone time. Motherhood is challenging- from the moment that test strip turns double pink to to the day you leave this world. Once you become a mother, it stops being about you. All of a sudden you are responsible for this whole new life. It is scary, exciting, and the thought of someday being a mom is everything you have ever dreamed about from the moment you rocked your baby dolls to sleep as a child.
I became a fist time mom at the age of 22. I had just graduated college, bought my first house, had my first important job and had no idea what I was getting myself into. Believe me, becoming a mom was the last thing I had in mind at that age. But God had bigger plans. I was unmarried, my parents were eight hours away and I was terrified. But the moment I had that first ultrasound and heard that strong, fast heartbeat, nothing else mattered anymore. God had chosen me to be this little girl's mom and that was my assignment on this earth. It was a rough ten months, full of intense sickness, anxiety, sadness and a lot of ups and downs, but when she entered this earth, I finally knew what love at first sight was. Madison was the most beautiful person I had ever laid my eyes on.
The years were not kind to us. We went from being a happy little family, to me finding myself alone with a one year old, not knowing how I was going to make ends meet. Here I was with a little girl that depended on me for everything, and some days it was all I could do to get myself out of bed or off the floor from crying. Here I was feeling sorry for myself. How could this happen to me. All I ever wanted was to be married, with kids and live a happy life. I felt ashamed and embarrassed- people said it would never work and look, they were right! But thank God I had a mama and daddy who know what it means to be a parent and took their assignment from God very seriously, to always take care of me, no matter what.
Looking back there are so many things I should have done differently. After my divorce, I was so bitter. I was so angry. In the back of my head, and in my heart, I knew God had a reason for everything, but that didn't stop me from straying from Him and the path He wanted me on. Honestly, I could dwell on the past and all the mistakes I have made, but that doesn't change anything. Luckily we have a God that is forgiving, merciful and loves us so much that He will always welcome us back into His loving arms. I say all this to say, no matter what life has handed you, and no matter how far you might have strayed, it is never too late to come back to what you know to be true and right. The one thing that always made me try harder to better myself and fight harder, was that little girl that called me mama and depended on me to guide her. Kids are so resilient and are so much better at change than we as adults are. Seeing the strength inside Madison after all she has been through, was always and still is such an inspiration to me,
After everything I had went through, I was convinced that Madi would be an only child. Love and marriage and more kids just was not in the cards for me. Surprise! Maybe it wasn't the way I would have wanted things to happen- and this time I was hit with a double dose of reality and heartache. But I would go through it 100 times over just to have my sweet Ellie Mai. I can't fully understand why things happen the way they do. But God knew I needed Ellie and He has a purpose for her on this earth. She is sweet and sassy and a ray of sunshine. She filled a hole in my heart that I didn't even know was there.
The past few years have changed me. I have become stronger. I have become more determined. I have become fierce. I have become everything God intended for me to become. I understand unconditional love and how my parents must have felt every time they had discipline me (which wasn't very often, because I was the perfect child 😆) or tell me no. Being a mother is the ultimate career choice; the most rewarding job; the happiest feeling I could ever feel. Watching my kids grow up is the most bittersweet feeling I have ever felt. I feel happy because I get to watch them learn, succeed and live life. But watching them grow up makes me so sad because I want them to always be my little babies.
Friends will come and go. People will come and go. Jobs and money will come and go. But one thing is everlasting and that is the bond between a mother and child. No one can ever take that away from me and because of these two girls, I feel like the richest person on the planet. Thank you God for choosing me to be their mother on this earth until one day they are reunited with you in Heaven. I do not take the assignment lightly and it will my life's mission to protect and love them until the day I die.
So the next time you think you cannot take another day of crying, screaming, talking back...just remember one day they will be moved out and starting their own families. Cherish the NOW....cherish the moments... cherish their smiles and they way they hold your hand and say I love you mommy. Remember there are people out there who would give anything to have a child of their own, and there are people who would trade lives with you in a heartbeat. Being a mommy is a not a burden, it is not a hassle, it is not an inconvenience. It is the best blessing and the most empowering journey you will ever experience.
Happy Mother's day to all you mama's 💗
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