Some days are just yuck, no matter how hard you try to make them otherwise....
I can read all the motivational quotes, take five-hundred deep breaths, stop and pray over and over for the anxiety to lift, tell myself it will all be ok...but the mind is a powerful thing. It makes you feel like you are falling off the deep and and fast.
Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I would say I have the typical cliche #blessed life. I and my kids are in good health, we have a roof over our heads, food in the kitchen and many many things we don't need or deserve but are happy to have. But that doesn't mean everyday is sunshine and flowers and that we aren't allowed to have a bad day (or ten) 😆.
Over the last week, I have felt pushed to my limits. No one major thing has lead me here, but it is like the snowball effect where the little things just keep piling on. I'll spare you the drama, but I think any parent can relate to what it is like to be responsible for not only yourself, but tiny humans as well. You have to do everything and think about every decision, once for yourself, then twice for them.
I pride myself on being a strong, independent woman who generally doesn't need a man around the house to make this household run. I can financially support myself and the kids (that is a good thing too considering the lack of effort from the other side, but I will save that for another day). I have a wonderful job that I love. I have been single long enough that I have settled in to my "who run the world, girls" motto (hehe). But some days I want to retreat to a corner and just cry because I feel overworked, overrun and over it!
I have a major support system, praise the Lord! And I feel sad for those that do not, because without mine, I don't know how I could get anything done. My parents are always willing and happy to watch the girls for me. But as any single parent also knows, dropping the kids off to go have "me" time whether that is dinner with friends, gym time, or shopping- it gives me MAJOR guilt! But I think it is so very important to give yourself some quality alone or adult time! You cannot be the best parent to your kids if you are frazzled and burnt out.
Working from home has been the best blessing. I get to spend my days with Ellie instead of letting a stranger raise her. I get to be here when Madi leaves and comes home from school. That is priceless. But working from home gets very lonely. I find myself yearning for adult interaction (and I honestly don't like people that much and consider myself introverted lol). I miss communicating about sports, kids, movies, music, work gossip and life in general. I miss the girl talk. I miss the lunches with coworkers. I spend my days listening to Muppet Babies and fetching a 2-year old snacks and drinks, in between work calls and sending emails and taking calls. Again, this isn't meant to be a complaint, but just know there is a whole other side to being a stay-at-home, work-from-home, single mom who literally does everything.
I know I am not the only one. There are so many single parents (men and women) who do it ALL! Raise their kids, work full time, do the laundry, clean the house, get the groceries- all while trying to stay sane and trying to make sure they take care of their own mental health and happiness. I tip my hat to them and I see them! They are such kings and queens in my mind! And their kids will never forget the sacrifices their parents made for them.
Bad times don't last and hard times make you stronger. This I know to be true, because my bad days are good days compared to others struggles. I just hope that if you are reading this and have ever been in my shoes or situation, you know how amazingly awesome you are and that tomorrow is always a new day. Don't try to be Wonder Woman (or Super Man).You are human and you deserve grace too.
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